So, I assume that whoever reading this is a living person. Which means that you've heard of The Avengers. Whether or not you knew that it came out on May 4th is up for debate (but by the power of Thor, I hope you knew that.) What you probably didn't know was that in select Regal theaters across the country on May 3rd, a Marvel Movie Marathon was hosted.
The theater closest to me was offering Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor 3D, and Captain America 3D, before the midnight premiere of The Avengers 3D. Plus a free small popcorn, and 20 additional Regal Crown Club points. For $35. An excellent deal, I thought. And was proven correct. (Other theaters showed The Incredible Hulk between the Iron Man movies, I've heard.) It started at 2:15, so I went and bought my ticket at 11:30, went to Chick-fil-a for lunch, and walked around Wal-Mart until I got bored by 1:15. So I went to the theater early to get a good seat, spent an extra $2 to upgrade my small popcorn to a refillable large tub and used my mom's refillable soda cup, and was the 6th person in the theater. So we sat there for 50 minutes, and more and more people filed in, the excitement brewing as my geek boner rose and rose.
Now, the theater I was at is the Pinnacle 18 at Turkey Creek, which has stadium seating and very comfortable seats. It's divided into two levels, the lower level being the undesirable level where you have to crank your head up the whole time, while the upper level is more eye-level, and the front row of the second level has a nice railing in front of it where patrons can rest their feet during and before the movie. The front row of the second level is obviously prime seating, where most of the early arrivals got there early to sit. And that's where I was. Until about 10 minutes before Iron Man started, when there was a fairly sizable amount of people there. Maybe...60-100 people in a 200 seat theater. The theater manager came in and told us that there was a slight snafu, and that we'd have to go to the theater next door for the first two movies (the 2D ones) before returning to our present theater for the final 3 movies. And she smiled and said "but it's a bigger theater, so that's good, right?" Fuck you, lady. I got there 60 minutes early to secure a good seat for myself, one where I had a leg rest, and empty seats on either side of me. It was an ideal setting. Until the bitch made me move. And some jackasses that had shown up 5 minutes ago, and had to sit in non-ideal seats all collectively decided to run to the new theater and claim all the good seats. The people in the current good seats all collectively thought "Fuck you!" and dashed to the new theater and tried to claim good seats, as well. I believe that we all got seats on the good row, but my seat in the original theater was closer to center, and I was pissed. Which was a VERY unfortunate way to start the Movie Marathon of Awesome. I ended up sitting next to a pair of geeks who actually knew what they were talking about, more so than I did at least, so that was alright.
Then the Movie Marathon of Awesome began! Iron Man was awesome, as always. But can we just take a moment and talk about Robert Downey, Jr.'s eyes? Oh my god. They're like pools of beauty. I mean, he's just a sexy man in general, but his EYES! I could barely deal with it. I'm just glad that my inner geek repressed my external gay in that environment, because I probably would've freaked out the guys around me. I'm always surprised by how charming Gwyneth Paltrow is. I mean, I'm not one of the legions of people who hate her, but I don't feel strongly towards her. I just forget that she can be charming. She was kind of a bump on a log during the Iron Man/Iron Monger battle, but ...I guess that couldn't have been helped? But yeah. RDJ's eyes. Wonderful. Everything else, same as always. Wonderful all around.
Iron Man 2...had a hardware issue. We watched about 30-45 minutes of it, before it quit. We were pissed, until they offered us free 3D tickets and unlimited soda refills until 8. Then they moved us back into the first theater for Thor 3D, and the same douchey dash for the front row happened, but I still got a seat on the front row. With the same guys that I had sat next to for the two Iron Man movies, coincidentally, so that was cool.
Thor 3D was alright. I don't hate the movie (that special place in my heart is reserved for X-Men: The Last Stand), but it's not one that I love, either. Thor is not a hero that I'm very familiar with, so it was nice to get to know him and his mythology a little more. I love Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings (when she's not in that pile of shit 2 Broke Girls, at least) so having them as supporting characters was a plus. I thought that the Earth vs. Asgard dichotomy was interesting, although I could've gotten to know Lady Sif (who was Jessie from Kyle XY, and will always be in my heart) and the Warriors Three a little better (especially the blonde one with the doofy mustache, mmmmm...). Plus...Shirtless Chris Hemsworth. Nothing wrong with that scene, except that he put his shirt back on. I wish that Hawkeye had had a bigger part in the movie, and I thought they missed a HUGE opportunity to introduce Luke Cage. The huge black guy that fought Thor when he was breaking into the SHIELD facility to grab Mjolnir. You know how easy it would've been to just say "Luke Cage is down! Clint, take your shot!" and BAM! Yet another Avenger introduced. It wouldn't necessarily fit in with Luke's comic book character, but you know what? Who cares. It would've been awesome.
My other big issue with Thor was that I didn't feel like he learned anything. I felt like the "massive character growth" that made him worthy of harnessing the power of Thor wasn't true growth. It felt cheap to me. And I didn't like the fact that Mjolnir flew to him. If it flew to anyone worthy of commanding the power of Thor, then theoretically, it should never have landed, as there ARE worthy people on Earth, if the comics have proven anything. Also, as much as I love Natalie Portman, I wanted Thor and Lady Sif to hook up (like they do sometimes in the comics...). But that might go along with my desire to get to know the Asgardians better. I hope they spend more time in Asgard in Thor 2, and manage to bring back all four of Thor's allies.
Captain America 3D presents a problem. It was an excellent film, I loved Chris Evans both skinny and hunky (but obviously the hunky was awesome, even if the shirtlessness was brief). Hugo Weaving is a god among actors, and I've loved him in everything I've ever seen him in. The problem is, we spend the whole movie getting attached to Sharon Carter and Bucky and ...the ...captain whose name I've forgotten, only for Cap to spring 70 years in the future. If Cap 2 happens like the comics, then Carter had a daughter who looks and acts just like her, and is Cap's age, so Cap falls madly in love with her. And Bucky will be back as Winter Soldier, the Big Bad of Cap 2. Hopefully. It was a good movie, don't get me wrong. I just went into it knowing that I was going to get attached to a bunch of characters that couldn't show up in any sort of sequel, and it made me sad, because I liked most of them.
And then we get to the Main Event of the Marathon. THE AVENGERS. WAS AWESOME. Joss Whedon is one of my favorite creative-types (director, screenwriter, showrunner, what have you), and I love comic books, and have at the very least enjoyed all of the "prequel" movies. None of the Avengers featured in this movie are my favorite Avengers, but I don't despise any of them. I don't looooove any of the actors (except the EXCELLENT Cobie Smulders!) but again, I don't hate any of them. In fact, I'm pretty warm towards Scarlett. She's been in a few things that I like, and she's very pretty and actually a good actress, not just a pair of tits and a nice ass. And I've already spoken about (or at least alluded to) how attractive I find Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Robert Downey, Jr. But Jeremy Renner blew them all out of the water. I'm a huge ass fan, and there's a scene where Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye are walking, and the camera is behind them, and my eyes immediately went to Hawkeye's ass and never left. In that one moment, he became my favorite (I also have a thing for archers...), and I need to rewatch the movie so I can fall in love with Hawkeye all over again (luckily, I have that free 3D ticket...).
But seriously. The Avengers. Go see it. Love it. Thank me later. Or don't. It's up to you. But you should really go see it.
